Mabh Savage
Words and the world passing by; how it sings to me; how I clamour back.
Blackbirds and the General Election
Despite the pouring rain, the garden has been full of birds today, primarily blackbirds. They are out in force, braving the weather to get the food they need, to keep themselves fit for the future and the cold months ahead.
I hope we are like the blackbirds. I hope we are out in force, making the changes we need so we can remain fit in the future. Fed. Warm. Finishing work before we die. Healthy without being bankrupt. Well educated- or at least with the choice to be.
Let us stretch our wings and brave the weather. It’s going to get cold, so wrap up warm, ask a neighbour for help, help a neighbour if you can, watch out for treacherous pathways and busy traffic; watch out for each other. Let’s get out there as a community and vote.
I won’t tell you who to vote for. I just hope that you can vote with the most vulnerable in mind. The Conservative manifesto promises to cut funding for children with learning disabilities and autism within four years, plus there’s no money in the first year to support parental leave or childcare. Families will suffer. The promises to the NHS are warped and twisted and don’t cover the cuts already made. And if leaving Europe is your main agenda, if it hasn’t happened by now, I struggle to see how the incumbent party can make it happen. To be clear, I don’t want to leave Europe. I believe we are stronger together, building local, national and global communities on a foundation of compassionate and kindness, to each other and the environment around us.
The blackbirds sing noisily, backing up Damh the Bard and his Sons and Daughters of Robin Hood. This song reminds us of our power, that we hold the key to who remains in power.
If you think that we would do nothing, you’ve misunderstood…
I truly hope that today, together, we do something. Make a change. Vote for a cleaner world, a kinder world, a world where more people have opportunities. A world where gender and sexuality and race and religion and ability aren’t used as tools to divide and isolate people.
The blackbird is the gatekeeper of dawn and dusk, the bird of transition. They indicate change, transformation, and liminality. As they sing now, my heart dips then soars and tears fill my eyes as my anxiety batters me but hope flutters ceaselessly. This is a liminal time indeed. May the blackbirds be an omen of change for the better.
Pagan Federation: New Poetry Book!
I’m very excited to announce that The Pagan Federation Anthology of Pagan Poetry (Volume 1) has been published and is available to buy on Amazon.
I have two poems in the anthology, plus there’s poetry from Dan Coultas (who brought the anthology together), Eleanor Rose, Krystal Holmes, Jenny Luddington, and The Bee- plus loads more amazing pagan poets.
All proceeds from the book go to fund the Pagan Federation, the organisation supporting the rights of Pagans right across the U.K.
In a pickle…
…But some of these fruits and vegetables
Are still good
A little soft
A little wobbly
A little less sweet
Just add some sugar
And soak it in
vinegar
Let the sharp bubbles
Oxymoronically float…
Read the rest on my Patreon, available for all paying tiers from £1/$1 a month.
Poem snippet!
…I tip my head and a golden god
Pours amber over my face and neck
Glowing honey
Apple-light and pebble smooth
Like the stones beneath my feet…
A snippet of a poem written for an upcoming project, I can’t say much right now but it’s very exciting!
November
Find out what I’ve been up to in November over at Patreon.
https://www.patreon.com/posts/31811481
This post is public, but if you become my Patron you get access to exclusive poetry and music not available anywhere else. Thank you for all your support!
You Know it’s Samhain When…
Your husband can’t get out of the house because things keep randomly falling over, mostly on him.
Stuff keeps disappearing and then turning up in odd places.
You go into a room and something scuttles away into the corners, My Neighbor Totoro style.
You mournfully wish our loud that your lost slipper would appear and it does, where you already checked, several times.
The volume on the telly seemed to shoot up for no apparent reason.
The spirit world is supposedly closer at this time of year- we’re certainly feeling it today!
Enjoy today, however you’re celebrating.
Curry Night
Stepping back into my kitchen
Which smells of
Fenugreek
Curry leaf
Happiness
A potato heavy
Vegan affair
That does surprisingly little
To soak up
Two shots of whiskey
And a glass of homemade
Cherry wine.
Step out again,
Wobble around the house
Check for the moon
Check for the fox
What does it say
Only the shrill wheeze
Of my own breath.
World Mental Health Day
Trigger warning: suicide.
It’s World Mental Health Day 2019. The focus this year is preventing suicide, and the scary fact is that someone loses their life to suicide approximately every 40 seconds.
The campaign encourages everyone to take 40 seconds of their time, to raise awareness, speak to a loved one who might be struggling, or to speak to someone yourself if you’re the one that’s struggling.
This last point is one I find challenging. I’ve often had my mental health conditions belittled and mocked, by employers and medical professionals, but also by friends and family.
The way I explain it to my nine-year-old is, “You wouldn’t see someone with a leg in a plaster cast and go kick them, would you? So with someone with mental health issues, you have to listen and pay attention to their needs.”
My concern has always been that my needs weren’t as important as the needs of others. There are reasons for this low self-worth, and I’ve recently hashed it out with an incredible and patient therapist. I’m now starting to put my own needs first. It’s difficult, especially when those who have always been able to “rely on you” suddenly find you saying “No” or not being available.
Here are a few ways I’ve changed how I deal with my mental health:
- If I need to take time for myself, I take it and try not to feel guilty
- I say “No” if I’m unable to do something
- I don’t judge if I’m able to do something by the amount of time I have available but by my own energy levels and capacity to deal with things
- I rest when I need to rest
- I give myself lots of extra time if I need to leave the house, especially when going somewhere new, to avoid panic attacks
- When I notice my mood dipping, I try and do something positive like writing, singing, making music, playing with the kids
- When this doesn’t work, I confide in my husband
I’m definitely not anywhere close to recovery. I still struggle with many of these points, and am considering discussing with my GP going back onto anti-depressants for a while, as things have been tough recently.
The main thing I struggle with is how well I “mask” my problems. I am excellent at putting a brave face on and just getting on with stuff. It’s worth remembering that many people you know might also do this. Just because someone seems fine, it doesn’t mean they are. A quick message or call can make the difference between someone feeling entirely alone and knowing someone cares.
Losing someone to suicide is shattering. It can come out of the blue, or it can feel like something that’s been looming for years. If you know someone has had suicidal thoughts, no matter how flippantly they may have mentioned it, check in with them. The Black Dog Institute has advice on looking out for warning signs of suicidal tendencies here.
And if you’re the one struggling, don’t let your mental health problems trick you into believing no one cares. You absolutely matter, and the world is a better place for having you in it.
Find information on World Mental Health Day 2019 here and support hotlines from mental health charity Mind here.
There’s always someone to talk to at The Samaritans too.
October
It’s the first of October
It’s a rainy day
It’s rescuing birds from cats
It’s snuggling in a blanket while writing
It’s letting the kids binge on films
It’s not worrying about hanging the washing out
It’s piles of procrastination
It’s thinking about putting the heating on
It’s fallen oak leaves and conkers and getting stuck in brambles
It’s slick mud
It’s switching my ASMR feed to crackling fires
It’s the approach of Samhain
It’s bats and spiders and ghost in shop windows
It’s darkening and deepening
It’s October.
Autumn Equinox and the GLAD Study
The autumn equinox is a time for pause and reflection. It’s that moment of balance; darkness is about to take over, and before too long, the nights will noticeably outweigh the days. It’s a time to take stock, just as traditionally, the equinox would have been a time to ensure stocks for the winter were sufficient to survive until spring.
My reflections this autumn equinox are focused around my mental health. This year, in particular, has been challenging. There have been plenty of trials and tribulations, but even when times have been joyous, my depression has left me achingly low and my anxiety has left me crippled with indecision and panic attacks.
With that in mind, I’ve decided that doing something potentially positive is the way forward. I’ve joined up for GLAD, a study into the genetic links between anxiety and depression. Many medical professionals have postulated different ideas to me about mental health issues. Some state that it’s all to do with chemical imbalances, and give coping mechanisms. Others say it’s to do with trauma, and we talk about that and try and pull it to pieces whilst putting me back together.
I don’t have the answers. I’m not any better, although I’m perhaps a little more confident and sure of myself after my last run of therapy. So, by providing my DNA sample (saliva) to this study, I hope I can help provide answers for others.
Anyone interested in the study can join up here. Have a wonderful autumn equinox.
Mabh Savage 