Saturday Night Takeaway

Do you know what sucks most about other people’s attitudes towards mental health?

The assumption that because you can cope some of the time, you should be able to cope all of the time.

Today was a day off. I worked bloody hard all week and had some spanners thrown in from all over the place and felt weak and shabby. Despite weariness, I hit all my deadlines and had tons of fun with the kids. Yet I still felt that I should have been capable of more, should have achieved more, should have been more.

That, my friends, is the bullshit created from the expectations of others. The pressure to achieve, be productive, not let your illness get the better of you (insert rolling eyes emoji here).

Mental illness is debilitating. Long term mental illness comes in many shapes and forms, but many vary wildly in their severity from day to day or week to week with little rhyme or reason. My anxiety tells me shit is gonna get bad while my depression tells me there’s nothing I can do about it. I am helpless and worthless and living in disparity.

I know I’m not. I know I am enough. I know I am loved, and love. But mental illness (of some types) takes that knowledge away and replaces it with these dark feelings that feel like the overruling authority in your life.

I don’t have any startling insights here or any answers. Dealing with either anxiety or depression or similar is tough, it hurts, and can be even tougher during periods of isolation. I just want to raise awareness of how tough it can be, and that those who don’t understand or experience mental illness should be accepting and caring.

You don’t have to understand what someone is going through to be kind.

And just because someone can cope some of the time, doesn’t mean that they can cope all the time.

Merry Lúnasa

Wishing you all a wonderful first harvest weekend, whether you celebrate Lúnasa, Lammas or Yorkshire Day! All three have meaning for me, but Lúnasa is the festival I celebrate most. Click the link for a poem named for Samildánach, one of Lugh’s epithets.

https://mabhsavage.com/2018/08/01/samildanach/

New poem for my Patrons

A little look at how the fair folk’s influence seems to have sunk its teeth into modern politics.

…we learned to hang iron, throw salt, leave out butter and cream…

Don’t you want the clink clank of gold…?

This poem is available in full on my Patreon. Please consider supporting me for as little as £1 a month, for free poetry, music and more!

Super Saturday

I’ve spent a lot of time over the past 48 hours being super anxious about lockdown easing. Relaxing the lockdown restrictions is great for those businesses that need to get going again and people’s livelihoods, and more importantly people’s mental health which will be boosted by being able to see more people that they want to, return to familiar or beloved settings, and feel a renewed sense of freedom. But of course, covid-19 hasn’t gone away. And I’ve been panicking that folkx won’t do the right thing, that they’ll get plastered, crowd together, pile into pubs and shops maskless and laughing and risk a second wave like no other.

However. I’ve also realised that whatever happens… it’s out of my control. How strangers behave is outside my influence. So instead, I’m wondering what’s made your Saturday super? What’s been awesome? What’s made you smile?

The highlight of my day (all spent at home!) has definitely been charging around the garden with my two year old, spotting snails and berries and laughing at the sky.

Navigating the Bumps

It’s a Friday evening. I’m cuddled up next to my toddler who is drinking milk and getting ready to sleep. I feel something, a sense of nostalgia for something I’m that isn’t happened yet; a familiar yet inexplicable feeling. Then the clouds start to part and a streak of moonlight whitens the sky, somehow adding myriad colours with its pale beauty. I realise the moon is nearly full; I lost 13 days since darkness, and where did that time go?

The trees obscuring the full spectacle suddenly sigh aside in the wind, and I gasp at the spectacle. That round face, as familiar to me as my own, basking in creamy clouds and making silhouettes of us all. The light washes over me like a cool shower, one that quickly becomes reality as the clouds gather back in, hastily burying the moon’s light under their watery bushel.

Such a short-lived moment, yet I’m left smiling for ages afterwards. Minutes stretching onwards like the wet, bumpy roads, walked with a lighter step than before.

Image via Unsplash

Daytime

I go to bed in daytime now

The night is so passé

The songbirds are my lullaby

The sunrise lights my way

To sleep, perchance to dream, I hope

Though not of recent times

Of angst and shopping trips gone mad

Of social distance lines

Or folks who fight ‘gainst masks

Like they’re a suffocating fiend

Who push in front in Asda

Where you just were gently leaned

Who ball you out for chatting

And the reasonable things you did

While bubbled with their mum, their gran

Their cousins and their kids.

Slag off the righteous protestors,

Fighting hard for their rights

But turn the other cheek to crowds

On beaches, covered in shite.

Who see Cummings and goings

As a necessary risk

While littering the beauty spots

On walks deemed less than brisk

Beating up poor families

In parks and woods all over

But piling in the car to head

Down south and ruin Dover.

I wish I wasn’t human

When I read this poem back

And this is just a snippet

Of the rubbish, of the flack;

So I sleep in the daytime now

I drink the night away

And pray to passing birds

We’ll surely find

Another way.

DocStoc 46: Live Music

I’m doing a short set over at DocStoc 46, in aid of Make a Wish foundation. Playing at 3pm and tune in all day for more great music! Click the group link to watch the music and the just giving link to donate.

From the organiser: for the performance and support of docstoc 46 27th june for make a wish https://www.facebook.com/groups/284345259396828/ to donate : https://www.facebook.com/donate/2973417076087719/ and https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/docstoc46
15 acts from 11am to 8pm including dan sealey (formerly of ocean colour scene) as merrymaker and ric herrington as cash back.

Kinda Good

There’s a page on the Internet

Says your stuff’ll go missing

Sharp things underfoot

Pens and tacks and pins

Favourite earrings

Special trinkets

Bills and dockets

Gone for good

But I know

That sometimes a lost item

Is simply lost

Misplaced

Forgotten

Because humans are clumsy

And easily distracted

But the honeysuckle creeping

Through the back door

The creak of a window

Which was locked before

A dusting of feathers

From a murdered dove

Smears of butter

And the cream they love

These things aren’t good

Oh no

These things aren’t good at all.

Summer Solstice Virtual Picnic

This Sunday, make some sandwiches, pie or dips and get ready for a massive virtual picnic! How many people can we get enjoying a picnic all at the same time this Summer Solstice weekend? Living room picnics, bed picnics, sat in your favourite chair picnics, all are valid!
Come along and share your pics, videos, and recipes, and look out for some exciting announcements.👇

https://facebook.com/events/s/pagan-fed-online-garden/299494444387000/?ti=icl

Eat Your Veg Day: Pagan Style!

Come over to the Pagan Federation Online Garden for videos, chat and useful facts about the magic of vegetables! Lots of interesting stuff including what to forage for in your own back garden and hints and tips on growing your own.

Click here to visit the event.