Intermittent Cloud, Some Showers

I need to take inspiration

From the one year old

She is a joy storm

Crashing delight

Like waves against

My sinking ship

Lightning smiles

Hurricane howling laughter

My stress

My tears

My depression

Feel worthless

In the sight

Of her happiness

I want to give

The gift of peace

Tranquility

A calm day

And balmy sunshine

Or at least

Intermittent cloud

Some showers

Not that she’s never upset

But her tantrums come and

Go

Gone

Like cumulus nimbus

In a gale

Massive yet fleeting

At only one year old

She has learnt the art

Of letting go

While I can only hope

To tip my barometer

To intermittent cloud

Some showers.

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Being a Full Time Writer

Means…

  • Still being up at this time
  • Veering from research topics as diverse as best restaurants in Richmond, VA to the way the full moon affects the sex drive
  • Wine, lots of wine (not compulsory- well, it is for me.)
  • Lists that go on forever
  • The inability to say “no” to projects because they’re ALL SO NAGDARN EXCITING
  • Blankets, cushions, cats
  • Insisting that yes, I do need this right now, it’s for a writing thing ssh…
  • No, get off, it’s mine!
  • Hiding the bodies

The World Creaks

The world creaks

I stand on my step

Suddenly unsteady

As if I felt

The planet

Tilt

Wind teases

Rain taunts

Something is growing

Beneath

The earth warms

The sky cries

And the world

Creaks

Pigeons

The pigeons sat on me

The day I took the train.

I’d seen the old man

A local, perhaps

Or a tourist, but such a lack of

Surprise

At his avian invaders

He stood beneath the sighing sycamore

While feathered rats

Stood politely on arms and shoulders

Then he moved away,

As if nothing of import

Had occurred.

I stood in the same spot

Thinking nothing of it.

Within moments,

Feathery warmth assailed my arms

My shoulders

Then up to my neck

Nuzzling my hair

Then alarm started to set in

As one flew onto

The top of my head.

I felt its claws

Its beak

Hunting for bugs

Scrabbling for purchase

Panic’s knife edge threatened

But I moved carefully

And they gently flew to the ground

Landing in leaves and moss and grass.

The pigeons sat on me

I’d thought the old man special

Gifted

And perhaps he was

For his patience

And perhaps I was too.

Back to School

I’ve spent the summer holidays in a bit of a daze. We had an amazing honeymoon in Rhodes, and, quite frankly, didn’t really want to come back.

The sting of returning to a seemingly increasingly miserable country was somewhat assuaged by getting to spend time with the kids. We’ve done park, seaside, cuddly movies, game days, science days; but still, it’s gone in a whirl and the boys are back to school tomorrow and Wednesday (two different school with slightly different calendars).

I want to be pleased. It’s a great opportunity to get back into a structured routine. A regular sleeping pattern. Scheduled tasks. But, I guess I just don’t really relish it. I like lazy morning in PJs, or impromptu lunchtime meet-ups, or friends just popping in for a play date. I miss it during term time.

So, how to stay motivated? Well, I have a lot of work to do. I mean, a lot. I’m working on a book on environmental paganism, five separate essays, plus my “day job” which is copywriting for various brands. I’ll have so much more time to work, and once I get into a rhythm, I really do enjoy my work. The satisfaction of a job well done really helps when my mood is low, plus I relish the research and cross referencing- yeah, I know, I’m weird.

I think my mantra for the day is “Focus on the positive.” Clichéd, but I think it’s the only way to start school term again without being utterly miserable. And if I’m miserable about school starting, how are the kids gonna feel?? At least they get to spend even more time with their friends plus there’s a range of activities that are only on during term time- plenty of silver linings for this September cloud.

Time to suck it up, make the packed lunches the night before, fold the new uniforms and bag up the PE kit. Secretly though, I’m already looking forward to October half term.

Friday Feeling

Things that made me happy this week so far (my attempt at telling depression to bugger right off).

CHaOS science day at Oakwell Hall. Lots of experiments for the kids to try out. Baby ran amok across the grounds and we saw newts, rats, rabbits and various insects.

Spent some quality time with the husband. Stayed up way too late, mind. Zzz…

Took all the smaller children to Mini Breeze at Farsley. Was worried the boys would be super disappointed as it was too windy for the inflatables to go up, but they spent ages in the Bam Van making their own music track, and playing with the baby. Caught up with good friends. Watched the baby go nuts over three guide dogs (in a good way).

Booked a massage for the weekend.

Cleaned out a crazy cupboard.

Read a lot. Again, staying up too late.

Started to find motivation for paid work again, something which had been lacking since returning from our honeymoon in Rhodes.

Lots of baby (toddler) cuddles. Lots and lots.

What’s been your happy moment this week?

Trees!

Doing a bit of last minute research before my appearance on Radio 4’s Beyond Belief, being recorded on Wednesday.