I’ve been doing some work for a company that splits all its jobs into microtransactions. It’s a new way of working for me. You don’t focus on what went before, or what comes after; you just literally focus on the job that is in front of you, and have at it.
I’ve decided that this is how I need to live my life.
I’ve spent too long berating myself for failing. I didn’t get that finished. I started this but didn’t get time to complete it. I wrote 2000 words today, but I wish I’d written 5000. If only I hadn’t fallen asleep with exhaustion from being up all night with the baby, I could have finished that chapter. All of these statements are true, but they are also useless. What good is telling myself how crap I am? Especially when most of these ‘failures’ are somewhat outside my control?
Sadly, I’m a rather depressed person, and it’s unlikely I’m ever going to stop telling myself stupid things like this, unless I get a totally new perspective on how I work.
I’m going to start looking at everything I do as just tiny slices of whole jobs. If I only write 200 words because the baby wanted a mega feed and then the larger boy needed some help with his homework, well, that’s a tiny slice of that writing job that no longer needs to be done. Even if it’s 1%, that’s 1% complete. Brava! Also, I fed the baby and kept her alive and happy, and nurtured a small boy. Yay me! Tiny actions that contribute towards a larger whole and larger goal.
Everything I do will, from this point forward, be seen as an achievement, not a failure, as it will be tiny steps working their way towards something. Because I’ll be focusing on each tiny step, rather than the hazy, distant destination, hopefully, I can enjoy the journey a little more as well.
Artwork by Nathan, kind of how my mind feels right now.