Mabh Savage
Words and the world passing by; how it sings to me; how I clamour back.
NaPoWriMo Day 6: Date Night
He came down the stairs
In jeans and a smart t-shirt
I’d almost forgotten
What outdoor clothes looked like
Didn’t we live in
Comfies now?
Loungewear and PJs?
“Date night!” he exclaims!
And I clap in delight.
Such a thing, to be treated like this
To be given thought and attention
To be dressed up for
With nowhere to go.
So I snuck upstairs
And shucked my shameful shorts and vest
And found the stretchy dress
Forgiving to my figure
Of which I’m not ashamed,
Not at all,
But I knew the look I was going for
And I dug out my favourite earrings
And I tucked my protesting hair back
Into a half-up, half-down
Fae-like do
And sauntered back downstairs
Hovering in the doorway
Until noticed.
“Isn’t mummy pretty?”
He says to the star-eyed toddler
She’s more interested in the bricks
And that’s okay.
Date night never really happened.
All dressed up, and somewhere to stay
But the toddler got cranky and then poorly
So, the carefully crafted culinary treats
Dried out in the oven
And the stretchy dress
Helped in dashing up and down the stairs
The mountain climb of hope and healing
For our wee baby.
NaPoWriMo Day 5: Piss-Taking Weather
When, in Britain, has it ever
Been so balmy
Calm in March and April?
Warm sun, some wind but nothing really too
Forceful,
Smatterings of rain but hardly
April showers.
No deluge
No late frosts
I’d happily plant my summer bulbs out
If I didn’t think this weather
Was taking the fucking piss.
I mean, seriously,
Am I meant to believe
That it’s a coincidence?
That we’re all stuck inside and limited
To yards and gardens
Flagstones and patios
Balconies and Juliets
Or simply a window;
And it does this?
This blazing springtime glory?
Or maybe,
I have it all wrong,
And actually, we’re giving the land
A much-needed break,
Fewer cars, fewer fumes, less industry…
Could that mean milder weather?
Clearer skies?
Calmer storms?
Scientist, feel free to debunk,
Because to me, it’s just as likely
That this springtime verdant glory
Is simply a divine piss-take
At our expense.
And we deserve it.
NaPoWriMo Day 4: Tough Like Old Leather
I told a friend
“Today was tough
Tough as old boots
Tough like old leather
Tough like the steak
I sent back
And worried about the chef spitting on
Tough like the conversation
I had to have
With a toxic person
Another toxic person
Gone now
Tough like the song
I can’t remember the words to
Who wrote it?
I just.. It’s on the tip of my…
Tough like the times
I didn’t know
If they would let me go home
Or keep me in hospital
Tough like ripping phones books
Finding Wally
Getting to bed before midnight
With three kids in the house
And working two jobs
And no government help
And no help
Just each other to weather
The storm
Tough like old leather”
I said. But I smiled
As I said it
Because at least
We have each other.
In the Garden
Just a few of the things in my garden right now.
NaPoWriMo Day 2: Something Changed
A witch of the wind I’ve always been
Smelling out the change in seasons
Through the breaths between the words
The inhale before each breeze
Which leaves a blossom scented stillness
Or in autumn, the petrichor of rotting leaves and rain
Or in winter, the crisp promise of snow
But now, on April’s second noon
The honey-flicked bee buzz wing of blue sky
Smells of hope.
Image via Wikimedia Commons,, Common Eastern Bumble Bee (Bombus Impatiens) by Ryan Hodnett, 2018.
NaPoWriMo Day 1: The Fallen
I cried last night
I guess I already told you
But it’s rare for me
Despite chronic depression
A range of anxieties
Suspected other conditions
Where diagnosis only failed through
Lack of time and effort
So I feel sad, a lot
But I rarely cry
I howl in frustration
Gnashing at the moon
Grinding teeth in rage
At patriarchal nonsense
Tears spitting venom at
Anti-vaxxers
Cat-callers
Ableist cockwombles
Racist shitbags
Homophobic grease stains
Transphobic hypocrites
But I rarely cry
In sorrow.
Last night, I did;
I cried, I sobbed, I pulled myself into a foetal position and
Hacked out raw, ragged breaths
Just for a while
Just for everything
Just to breathe in the pain.
Willingly Isolated
Day 12 of being in the house and practicing proper social distancing. Day 8 of full isolation due to symptoms. Day 5 of UK lockdown.
I got really emotional this morning. No idea why. I have so much to do, so many tasks to be done. Yet I suddenly felt useless, worthless; depression reading it’s ugly head.
But it’s not because I’m isolated. In fact, as I mentioned to a friend earlier, in some ways I’d be happy to wait this whole thing out without ever leaving the luxurious confines of my house (not actually luxurious) and back garden (pretty nice, thanks hubby). The actions of others who refuse to social distance or even take the epidemic seriously genuinely scare me. I don’t want to put my hands on a supermarket trolley that’s been coughed over by a symptomatic individual who refused to stay home. I don’t want to risk someone pushing past me to get to the butter, as happened to a friend yesterday. I don’t want to have someone cough in my face or watch them cough over the fresh produce, as one of my siblings witnessed the other day. It frightens me.
But there are so many people doing good things, wonderful things. Neil Gaiman has given everyone free rein to use his work for online videos. LeVar Burton has taken this permission and run with it.
The Pagan Federation is putting something online for the community every single day- an impressive feat! Today is a huge online discussion about symbolism, spread across four PF groups. Plus, there’s a chance to win some fabulous Moon Books prizes. Thanks to everyone doing wonderful things.
Mabh Savage 